What My Patients Taught Me about Regret

Setting Meaningful New Year’s Intentions

As a cancer epidemiologist, I have worked with many palliative cancer patients.

One of my research goals is to improve the quality of life and reduce distress among those suffering using tools like mindfulness. 🧘🏽‍♀️🧘🏻

Throughout the years of working with advanced cancer patients and understanding family grief, I learned a lot about the process of dying, regrets, and finding meaning in life.

Although this is not the most festive topic, as we are approaching the holiday season, I would like to shed light on these topics. In pre-COVID times, I offered a day-long retreat around the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, to help contemplate life choices. It was a powerful retreat, as we practiced yoga while looking back at the year passed and setting intentions for the upcoming new year. 🌙

Several times, I led a meditative journey called a Death Meditation, a meditation to help visualize yourself on your deathbed and realize deeper contemplations of your past or a breakdown of your regrets. 💭 It may sound morbid, but it is the most influential meditation you can do if you are interested in going deeper with yourself.

I learned through working with those affected by cancer that most end up living their lives to the fullest than those who remain healthy. This mindset could result from time being more subjective for them than others, creating the need to meet themselves in the present and reflect through gratitude.

They still feel intense emotions like anger, denial, and fear while facing the inevitable outcome, death, but surprisingly their mindset is the opposite. 🤔 There is an unbelievable number of patients who told me cancer was the best thing that happened to them. 💌

Why?

They finally realized the finite nature of our lives and that time is limited, encouraging them to do things that mattered to their self-legacy. 🤗

For example, one patient of mine was a labeled workaholic who rarely spent time with her family or with herself. After the cancer diagnosis, she quit her job and now devotes herself to volunteering and spending time with her grandchildren.👩‍👧‍👦 Another patient started reaching out to old friends and surrounding herself with people she cared about during her final moments. 👩🏻‍🤝‍👨🏾👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏿

What would YOU do if you only had one more year to live?

Most of us forget that life is short. We tend to live like robots— working hard, taking care of kids, staying busy, not taking care of ourselves and our relationships, or failing to put our joys first. 🤖

So, the Death Meditation can be a wake-up call for many.

Since I can’t lead the meditation for you, I am sharing the five regrets of dying from the book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware to encourage your transformation. 📚

The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying 🥀

1. I wish I’d dared to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d dared to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Do you relate to any of these?

Remember that you have a choice. You always have a choice. The choice to prioritize your work over relationships. The choice to not go on vacation because you are too busy. ⛱ The choice to sacrifice your health for money. The choice to not spend quality time with your children.

As we welcome 2023, take a moment to think about what you can change to alter these five regrets. 

You can start today! 🤩

Start by reaching out to old friends, booking a vacation for your family, or committing to finally prioritizing your health.

Write the action down on a post-it note and put it somewhere you see every day, like on a bathroom mirror or car dashboard. A reminder is essential as we can easily forget our tools in moments of unawareness. 📝

Then, start acting right away!

If friendship is on your mind, send one email/text to an old friend. 💬

If you want a family vacation, mark the dates you want to go on vacation or start a budget. 🏝

If becoming healthier is part of your intention, join a gym or yoga studio, or subscribe to a CSA box for organic vegetables delivered. 🥬

Another fantastic option is to sign up for my New Year’s Reset program! 

Starting in January, the Mind-Body Reset Program supports your intention to kick start the year with something positive and sustainable for yourself and your families. 🥰

Additionally, I encourage you to share your intention and action plan with me and others. Let's be accountability partners. Follow my Instagram and tag me with your action plan or send a picture of your post-it note! 📱

Start your new year off with me!

Happy holidays!

Much love,

Ai ♥️

Anti-inflammatory Golden Milk/Chai

Ingredients (serves 4-6)

• 1 can coconut milk (full fat, organic)

• 1 can worth of water

• 1 thumb-size fresh ginger (or 2 tablespoons dried)

• 1 thumb-size fresh turmeric (or 2 tablespoons dried)

• 6-7 fresh peppercorns

• 3-4 dates (or stevia drops)

• Optional: 2 tsp blue lotus rooibos chai powder

Directions

1. Blend everything in Vitamix until completely smooth

2. Warm, adjust the sweetness with stevia if you like

3. Enjoy! 🫖👏🏼