From Japan to Berkeley -My Personal Journey
I recently learned that November 16th was the “International Day for Tolerance”. I was invited to be on a discussion panel to discuss this so I learned a bit about this day.
This made me think about my life and how what I do was shaped a lot by my experience with ‘tolerance’.
I actually have a lot of stories related to this topic so this is the first of a multi-part story series.📖
Today’s story is about my growing up in Japan 🗾 and how I ended up in Berkeley 🇺🇸.
If you know anything about Japanese culture, you know that they love uniformity.
There is even this famous saying “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down 🔨”, meaning that those who are too different get criticized or sanctioned by others.👆
Although I grew up in a very ordinary family, I always felt that I was different.
In fact, I remember when I was in first grade 🎒, I was sitting in a classroom with all my classmates and teacher 👨🏫️, everyone was having some kind of discussion.
There was this exact moment where I heard this deep inner voice that said “You are just different from everyone else and you will never be the same as others!”
It was kind of an awakening moment for me, and this message stayed with me for a long time.
As I grew up, I had no other choice but try my best to fit in.
I think I felt different because I didn’t really like the culture that everyone had to be the same, while many others took comfort from it.
Also, there was a tremendous amount of sexism which I did not appreciate but other people didn’t seem to mind it as much. 🤷🏻♀️
I knew that my mom had to quit her job as soon as she was pregnant with me. I watched her work so hard as a housewife without anyone else’s help.
Women in Japan almost never have house cleaners or babysitters or any other forms of helpers, so they are on their own. Day care centers or after school programs are very rare.
Men worked all the time and rarely came home to spend time with family, let alone help with household chores. Men went out to parties and various events, but never with their wives.
Women held doors to let men in and held bags for male bosses in the office setting (it’s true) 🤯
Women were supposed to sit, dress and speak in certain ways, and adult females were definitely expected to wear makeup (so as not to ‘embarrass themselves’!)
I didn’t know that other cultures had different standards, but I really didn’t feel comfortable with what I was observing.
I had a strong desire to do and say whatever I wanted, which made me VERY unfit to be a Japanese woman. I was also tall for a Japanese woman, which made me unpopular 🤣
So, since I was very young, I saved every single yen 💴 so that I could get out of Japan.
As soon as I graduated high school, I started to travel ✈️, mostly by myself to explore the world. I wanted to see how people in other countries lived.🗺️
Deep inside, I was looking for my home where I could feel a sense of belonging.
During my travels, I started to witness that different cultures had different levels of tolerance, not just with gender roles and responsibilities, but also with people of different race/ethnicity, those with physical disabilities and those with various expression of being human
I chose to move out of Japan- so basically I chose not to tolerate my own culture.
I first moved to France 🇫🇷 and lived there for a couple of years. This is a story for another time!
Eventually, I moved to Berkeley, California in 1996. Berkeley was one of the many places that I had visited when I was younger, and I knew this was where I wanted to be.
I fell in love with Berkeley because everyone is different, and the culture not only tolerates but celebrates differences.
I finally felt more home. I knew I could be whatever I wanted to be here.
Often, when we speak of tolerance, we think of it as being open to accepting of differences we see in others. And to me Berkeley is a place that embraces all sorts of people, culture, and beliefs.
And that was why I chose to make this place my home.🏡
But life wasn’t that easy once I moved here- I struggled. I cried. I was stressed. I didn’t speak English and I didn’t know anyone.
But I was determined that I would NOT tolerate being a housewife in Japan, or working as an ‘office lady’ with a bunch of Japanese men (which I did for a couple of years 😱).
My resolve was that which pushed me forward, eventually to where I am now.✊
As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving in the U.S., reflecting back on my own journey has given me reason to be thankful for the fact that I took a stand for myself, for my own life and what I wanted.🙏
How about you? Are there times when you've made a tough decision because you knew the alternative would be too detrimental to your wellbeing?
My challenge for you is this:
Look at the things you're still tolerating and choose at least one of them. Write down ideas for how you can fix this situation.
It may mean having a conversation with someone.
Maybe you want to finally take care of your health by improving your diet or getting more regular exercises.
Or it could be as simple as cleaning your fridge or one of the junk drawers.
And, please share with me what you come up with!
If you are serious about tackling whatever you are tolerating around your health and wellness, you know I am there for you. Feel free to email me or book a call with me :)
In the meantime, I wish you happy Thanksgiving holidays! I am sharing below my favorite Thanksgiving dish- kabocha pumpkin pie 🥧! Kabocha is one of my favorite winter squashes. But of course you can use any other types of pumpkin, even canned :)
Last, but not least, just a heads up that there are a couple of events coming up. Both New Year’s Mind-Body Reset and next Yoga and Health Talk workshop are both happening in January. Stay tuned for more info!
Much love ❤️,
Ai
Ps. In the future ‘episode’, I will tell you how my stressful experience as a new immigrant almost destroyed my health, which led me to what I do now.
Kabocha Pumpkin Pie
Ingredients for one deep dish pie
3 eggs
1.5 cup packed dark brown sugar or organic sugar
1/3 teaspoon salt
1 Tablespoons of cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamon
1/2 teaspoon of lemon zest (optional)
3 cups of kabocha pumpkin pulp purée (you can use 1.5 canned pumpkin) - see below for direction
1 13 oz. can of coconut milk (you can use evaporated milk instead)
1 good crust (homemade or store bought)
Directions
To make pumpkin purée from scratch, cut a medium size kabocha squash in half. Scrape out the seeds and discard. Place the pumpkin halves cut side down on the lined baking sheet and bake at 350°F until a fork can easily pierce them, about an hour. Remove from oven, let cool, scoop out the pulp.
Preheat your oven to 425°F.
Beat the eggs in a large bowl. Mix in the brown sugar, white sugar, salt, and spices. Add the rest of the ingredients, beat together until everything is well mixed.
Pour the filling into an uncooked pie shell. Bake at 425°F for 15 minutes. Then lower the temperature to 350°F and bake for 60 minutes more, until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.
Cool the pie before serving. Great with whipped or ice-cream!
